Whimsical Words

I’m a day early, but since I’ve been feeling retrospective for a while now, thought I’d just write about it now.

Many women (and men) hate ageing, or at least the idea of it. Ticking off a new age bracket when filling in survey forms, discovering more random grey hairs, heavier darker eye bags, getting burdened with heavier responsibilities, not achieving more from our professional lives than we’d like, etc. For me, the greatest fear is not knowing myself, and how to measure my personal success.

Back in school, it was easy because our teachers and parents defined that for us – following orders to a T, being competitively awesome at anything academic (including which subjects to take), scoring as many distinctions as possible, entering good schools, getting a good degree and a well-paying job… But suddenly, these things became useless in adulthood. Even when I’ve done many things right in the first 20 years of my life, I was unequipped to deal with emotional and financial realities that would eventually hit.

So I spent a great deal of my early twenties whining, sulking and panicking. Why am I always complaining in my job? What’s my passion? Do I even have one? Will I ever finish paying off my tuition fee loan? Will I ever be happy and contented? The husband (then boyfriend) bore the brunt of many of my mood swings and struggles – I thank him for not commiting me to an asylum.

The bad news is, 8 years on, I am none the wiser.

The good news is, I have come to accept that it is ok to feel like a fish out of the water, to be restless, to keep asking questions, and to challenge norms (well, in my head or during bitching sessions with girlfriends). This acceptance has somewhat given me a semi-clarity of what is important, and slowly map out a route to my own happiness. I know, very Zen right?

Hence, I am officially junking the concept of achieving success because I don’t even know how to define that word to begin with. It is too exhausting to deal with a goal that’s elusive and uncomprensible. Instead, let’s work at being happy – that includes lots of booze and laughs with great friends, cherishing my marriage, eating well, staying healthy, lifelong learning, and oh yes realising the ice-cream fantasy ain’t half bad either.

Been working too many hours too many days and yearning a proper break (though I just took one in April). When the whole world comes to you needing this and that, you start wondering how you manage to give so much more than you take. But then again this is a matter of perspective.

I just feel like babbling tonight. I read somewhere that if you’d just stop censoring whatever you think and start jotting down everything that comes through your head, you’ll discover so many things about yourself, the way you think, and even unearth some creative genius ideas along the way. (I wish I could say out loud to my clients all my honest opinions too. My choice of language might not be so pleasing to the ear.)

To those who don’t understand a single bit of what I was getting at, come give me a high-five. Cos I didn’t either.

I’m sure it’s not a good sign when I start getting addicted to surfing ASOS every day and saving items into my bag…

I thought it was bad when I shopped at Urban Outfitters. Now I’ve upgraded to the British Pound. Nice going.

of ignoring this personal blog of mine for so long. I hate to abandon it just like that because I still enjoy musing over the most mundane things. It’s just really a lot of other commitments that have kept me from blogging (excuses, excuses).

Anyway, I’d like to share my latest obsession with the most adorable Japanese-American girl whose father has been posting videos of her on Youtube. She’s quite the sensation and even has a Facebook fan page now. I wonder if she’d be flattered or freaked out if she found out. Without further ado, here’s Nina.

A couple of weekends ago, the last slice of roasted duck pizza (yums!) at Timbre Mobile. Hope to go back again before it moves to another location.

My resolution reminders list:

1. Not to check work emails on non-work days (unless absolutely necessary)

2. Care for my eyes better after Lasik

3. Take more photographs

4. Be reacquianted with my music-loving side

5. Continue to eat healthily and in moderation

6. Live more, worry less

I don’t see my nieces as often as I’d like but every time I do (such as today), I’m amazed by how quickly they’re growing up. Elvia has almost finished Primary 1, getting brilliant scores for her exams, is assistant class monitress and unbelievably eloquent for her age. Elina, who’s turning 6 next year, is funny, vivacious and always laughing, or finding ways to amuse herself.

Love them so much and they are such good reasons for me to start on Christmas shopping!

Taken some months ago while the husband and I were having dinner and shooting the breeze at East Coast Park.

Tomorrow night, we will have been together for a grand total of 7 years. I’m looking forward to crossing that milestone, and realising the many plans that we talked about, one step at a time. Like in the movie Up, the only fear is not having enough time to go on all these adventures together. But then again, if we had infinite time (or infinite whatever), I suppose these things wouldn’t be as special and important anymore.

Heliconia. Maybe that’s why I picked it for the home. It’s very commonly found in Singapore and other tropical places. It’s not often I like something that is so accessible (other than food) but this is just one of those blooms that somehow has a positive effect on my mood.